It’s amazing what hope can do for you. It can bring a very high motivation level and it can tear you apart and break you should what your hoping for fail you. Someone who’s walked my past and been let down by everyone and my self, hope can be dangerous. I’ll give you a picture. I’ve been on my own since 2001. 21 years.
I’ve always been used and abused no matter how much I give to the people around me. In the end everyone decided I was just a toy to be used when needed…… my heart is unmatched and no matter how much the world has tried to break me into a hateful and bitter man, I have always stayed who I am today….
Only difference is now I’m scared of society and my fellow humans because they have power to destroy my emotional state, even a stranger. So I’ve accepted that I’m not like anyone else and I have accepted I’ll be alone and never with a person who appreciates me or loves me. I’ve learned my lesson after 35 years.
But now, a person has decided to get to know me and let me show her who I am. Bringing me hope in the thought that I may not live the rest of my life alone.….. but that HOPE Is now keeping me up at night, making me restless, changing my entire thought process and seeing as I’m a OVERTHINKER, it’s affecting my appetite.
My motivation, even the music I listen to. If I don’t find a way to curb this hope, it will be something that May do just what the world wants and has been trying to do since I was born, which is break me… Every MASS SHOOTING, every suicide, every catastrophic event done by a single person was done because some thing push them over the edge….
For most it’s a series of events that led up to the one thing that causes the explosion… for me…. It could be hope because all I want is someone to care and love me. So here’s to hope!!!!