The loss of any kind while In here cause such mental stagnation because it’s like a scared person in a scary movie, the shock can cause mental and or emotional paralysis. It causes and prohibits physical and educational advancement because to a degree to a degree we give up. Even on our next thought. In relation to the death of a family member, depending on which member, it can weaken some people so badly that they’ll crash out on anybody about anything and go to the hole (segregation) just to release that pain of first loosing their own life to the system, so as not to be there in the time of a family loss and then to get a little bit of alone time from life’s unceasing test. Like truth, reality can be hard to face at times too. Friendship’s can be remembered alongside of family because some friendships are stronger than family bonds and sometimes are born out of the lack of a complete family structure. Either way, it’s a reflective period of what was good and how things should have went. Regrets and self punishment by not being earlier who you are now; often disappointed further by having to accept what will never be.
Now, to connect with someone and lose contact with them repeatedly for whatever reason is like Peter Griffin scrapping his knee when he falls- (Slisss, Awww, Slisss, Awww, Slisss, Awww, Slisss, Awww) Feel me? You’ll change who you are in hopes of becoming what someone else wants you to be so that hopefully they’ll want you. Which doesn’t work. Trust me, I’ve tried It. I went so deep with my ex-wife until I almost forgot who I really was and when I got tired of hurting myself by chasing this woman, who clearly didn’t want me while I remained in here. She had let the idea of “US” go, but later she wanted to get down on her knees In the visiting room and apologize. Like that would of made a difference at this point. The pain was over but the scar remains as a reminder to leave that one alone. I for one, have lost so much due to being in here, things that I can never get back. I can’t even remember too much for too long because I’m three states away from what’s left of my family and even the good can hurt sometimes because when the devil sees you smiling, he sho nuff coming to get that joy. All I can do is pray & hope that God continues to keep and Bless my Mom & Dad with peace of life & mind, protection & longevity. As I pray this prayer for anyone going through what I have and those presently holding steadfast. Give God the glory and stay on ya grind shawty, cause In due time you’ll be relaxing beside your still waters too. I appreciate the time shared with me, Peace.